i don't think anyone reads this

So, I am sitting here in the house alone. It's a great feeling. I know for me, it reminds me that in life it's only me and God. Yes, there are other people around, but God is my main focus. I am very quick to forget this. I wake up in the morning and take a shower, get breakfast and on the ride to work, listen to the daily radio station because it's nose to keep me busy. I get to work, turn on the computer, check e-mail, facebook, and my checking account... then I turn on a movie while I build the list of boards for the day. I eat lunch, i go back to building and then I do this until 3:30 with breaks in between that are on the computer looking at books, facebook, or random things that peak my interest at the time. At 3:30 I load up all the things I brought to work , get in the car- listen to the same radio station and make my way home. This half hour drive could be used to much better for the glory of God. I could listen to music while building boards or memorize verses. When I get home it's about the same. I make dinner, eat, chat with family and then make my way downstairs to clean up the life around me... then get on the computer... cause something might have happened since the last time looked. I am interested in seeing what my past students are up to. I miss my Texas friends and look forward to keeping in touch with them. And now I am meeting new people and like to look around to what they are all about. So, then my dad comes down and we watch tv together in the man cave... nothing terrible, but nothing that is going to put our minds on Christ- I am sure there is nothing on tv that does that! About 10:30 or so, when I am exhausted I think, "hm, I would really like to spend time with the Lord, but if I don't go to bed now, I won't be able to serve him tomorrow" so I crawl into bed, get snuggled and fall asleep on the computer... Man the devil is good.

I just spend the most useful 15 minutes of my day, not counting the work that I did this morning helping package food for Haiti. I learned the first part of the Sermon on the mount. I want to learn it- the whole thing. I am not one to start something and actually finish it... I have learned that I need prayer for a great awakening in my self control department. So, this is were I start. I sat down and learned so much in 15 minutes... it blows my mind what time I waste during the day when I could devote so much more to the Lord and enjoy it... and actually be fulfilled, not like the days i usually have doing the same routine in and out..

God is great, because he does a great stir in me when I am not walking according to his will and for this I love him. He convicts me when i need to be reading his word instead of watching tv. What I am getting tied up right now is the difference between fear and conviction... I know conviction is a quiet voice from the Lord, but the devil is great at making my fear seem real... The stupid thing is that he does the same thing every time and I fall victim every time. This is why it's important that we learn verses and be in the Lord's word daily.

In Chicago, for some reason, I have learned that it's me and God. He's the one that need to lean on and turn to. In Graham my family was in a way to be a crutch... they were there to pull me out and encourage me... but there is no one here that I can turn to like a crutch.. They all have their own lives and schedules and it's not as easy here to get from place to place... so to just pick up and do something is difficult.. But now instead of running to someone for something, I have no choice than to chose Christ. It's a great and scary feeling. I am learning that I have no choice now.. he is the one.. In my mind he's always been the one, but in my heart, now he becomes the one... I can see him working