Blessed Beginnings

So some of you may have been wanting to know what's new in my life... All I can say is Jesus. Everything in my life points back to Jesus. I have never been blessed so much in my life as the last couple years. I look back at what people have done in my life that has pointed me back to Christ and his sweet love, grace, mercy, and character. In these last few weeks I have really understood Bible verses more vividly, much like I was living them in my own life. I've always heard that what is in your heart will overflow through your actions. Not until I saw the love from one person to another with out shame in my life did I notice that Christ has a greater love than that and gives me greater joy than I can express. I have also experienced great peace in seeking the Lords will and learning what God wants in my life... I know so many people in the past have expressed their thoughts and opinions both worldly and biblically, but when God reveals to you his will for your life through his word, it is just amazing.

As you might know, I have always struggled with anxiety and the thought of organizing my thoughts into something that I can understand and clearly think with hasn't always been easy. I am thankful for God's word right now, more than I have ever been... he clearly has laid out for me and all people who follow him what is expected of me in my life and my interaction with him and others. Not only am I learning this alone, but with someone God has blessed me with to grow with in him.

Not only has this God created relationship opened my eyes up to who God is and how he alive and working, but my job has encouraged me and shown me that He has truly blessed me. There is nothing that I can do on my own accord. Only by his grace am I going to get things done with my students, and this thought has slowly leaked into other areas of my life... really giving me a new hope and even a paradigm shift on my life and what I am here for.

As God continues to show me himself through the tools that he has put in my life I will continue to share God's great work in my life... until my next post, look for him working in yours!

i don't think anyone reads this

So, I am sitting here in the house alone. It's a great feeling. I know for me, it reminds me that in life it's only me and God. Yes, there are other people around, but God is my main focus. I am very quick to forget this. I wake up in the morning and take a shower, get breakfast and on the ride to work, listen to the daily radio station because it's nose to keep me busy. I get to work, turn on the computer, check e-mail, facebook, and my checking account... then I turn on a movie while I build the list of boards for the day. I eat lunch, i go back to building and then I do this until 3:30 with breaks in between that are on the computer looking at books, facebook, or random things that peak my interest at the time. At 3:30 I load up all the things I brought to work , get in the car- listen to the same radio station and make my way home. This half hour drive could be used to much better for the glory of God. I could listen to music while building boards or memorize verses. When I get home it's about the same. I make dinner, eat, chat with family and then make my way downstairs to clean up the life around me... then get on the computer... cause something might have happened since the last time looked. I am interested in seeing what my past students are up to. I miss my Texas friends and look forward to keeping in touch with them. And now I am meeting new people and like to look around to what they are all about. So, then my dad comes down and we watch tv together in the man cave... nothing terrible, but nothing that is going to put our minds on Christ- I am sure there is nothing on tv that does that! About 10:30 or so, when I am exhausted I think, "hm, I would really like to spend time with the Lord, but if I don't go to bed now, I won't be able to serve him tomorrow" so I crawl into bed, get snuggled and fall asleep on the computer... Man the devil is good.

I just spend the most useful 15 minutes of my day, not counting the work that I did this morning helping package food for Haiti. I learned the first part of the Sermon on the mount. I want to learn it- the whole thing. I am not one to start something and actually finish it... I have learned that I need prayer for a great awakening in my self control department. So, this is were I start. I sat down and learned so much in 15 minutes... it blows my mind what time I waste during the day when I could devote so much more to the Lord and enjoy it... and actually be fulfilled, not like the days i usually have doing the same routine in and out..

God is great, because he does a great stir in me when I am not walking according to his will and for this I love him. He convicts me when i need to be reading his word instead of watching tv. What I am getting tied up right now is the difference between fear and conviction... I know conviction is a quiet voice from the Lord, but the devil is great at making my fear seem real... The stupid thing is that he does the same thing every time and I fall victim every time. This is why it's important that we learn verses and be in the Lord's word daily.

In Chicago, for some reason, I have learned that it's me and God. He's the one that need to lean on and turn to. In Graham my family was in a way to be a crutch... they were there to pull me out and encourage me... but there is no one here that I can turn to like a crutch.. They all have their own lives and schedules and it's not as easy here to get from place to place... so to just pick up and do something is difficult.. But now instead of running to someone for something, I have no choice than to chose Christ. It's a great and scary feeling. I am learning that I have no choice now.. he is the one.. In my mind he's always been the one, but in my heart, now he becomes the one... I can see him working

Persecution

When I think about persecution I always think about missionaries who are suffering for Christ alone. It wasn't until this year 2010 that I realized that I am persecuted. My heart grows heavy with the persecution of those that may not like or love my views. This my be friends or family or just people in passing. The other day I was at a gas station pumping gas when a very warmly and rather nicely dressed homeless man asked me if he could pump my gas for a quarter. I told him that I didn't have any money- which was true- but that I would pray for him and started to tell him the gospel of Jesus Christ. I've never seen anyone who wanted money so bad to run away so quickly and even yell in my direction about my belief system. Even now in the new place I live I realize that who i once was is gone and though I may feel trapped as though I need to conform to what the people here are doing, I know that I am free in Christ.

It is hard not to conform and do what the people around you do. God protected me so much in Texas as the Israelites were protected in the wilderness... and now that I am out-I have some big giants to face. The giant of people pleasing and the giant of purity and faith in knowing that God can use me anywhere... which is sometimes hard to grasp.

I look forward to this new challenge in front of me. I know that with God's love and strength I will be able to push through to glorify him, but prayer will be helpful